This speaks for itself. Enjoy.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Black Friday, indeed. The Wal-Mart Stampede...

You can see the craziness in their eyes.

Must.
Get.
Bargains.

Well, these folks got a little more than they bargained for this morning.

It's incredibly sad, but some poor and I mean that in every sense of the word Wal-Mart employee was killed by a crowd of frenzied fans of low prices.

Sure some will claim it was just an accident. But when people are getting killed over $200 computers it's time to change our priorities.

Black Friday indeed.

Of course it's one more notation added to my Why I hate Wal-Mart list. Need more incentive to join me? Check out this movie.

Reason #23 I love Illeana Douglas

She's quirky.

She's is often the best part of a shEYEt show.

And I adored her in Ghost World.

And then there's her brilliant use of her celebrity status.

When the paps are invading her privacy she holds up typed and laminated messages to encourage some sort of change in the world.

I love it.

A great actress AND a smart lady.

Wedding Crashers

Barack Obama spoke to me last night. Well, he actually spoke to all of us, but his election is bittersweet. Why? Well, California's Proposition 8 passed! And his message of coming together as a nation, well...does it really apply to me?

So same-sex marriage is now illegal (again), imagine that, it's illegal to commit yourself to someone for the rest of your life.

I'm being told to focus my anger towards more positive outlets.

Hmm. This bottle of wine might do the trick.

Oh and if you feel as PO as I do and want to say something to someone, head on over to these these two websites. They are both great ways to get donor information on the people who helped fund this hate-filled bill.

Of course if you're a chicken, you have more rights than gays and lesbians!

It's the perfect night for Festinade!

Festi what? Well, if you grew up in the swinging 80's perhaps your family had one of these bad boys.

Europeans still know how truly fantastic these puppies are and continue to manufacture and use them today, but us Americans, well we need to get back into the Festinade groove. Sure there's a small group of us who collect and covet them and for good reason!

Yeah, I know, "Aren't these just Raclette sets?" Trust me, they are so much better than Raclette sets.

Imagine if you will a group of people huddled around a set of pans cookin' and drinkin' all night.

Of course my dream Festinade guest list:

Martha Stewart
Amy Sedaris
Laura Kightlinger
Sarah Silverman
Steven Colbert
Tina Fey
and of course myself (there's only 6 pans people, but I'm willing to share!)

I think I should public access television this $&@! and start a YouTube phenomenon!

Sounds cool, right? Well, I'm always on the hunt for my next Festinade or a way to share the fun with someone else.

A fitting end to a crappy presidency.

If you live in San Francisco and are fortunate enough to be able to vote, you'll get your chance to rename the Oceanside Sewage Plant.

I cast my absentee ballot today and well, you might be able to guess if I voted Yes or No on R.

Here's part of the "pro" argument (I think it might be difficult to find any "cons" out there)

"Just as France presented the Statue of Liberty as its gift to the nation, the citizens of San Francisco may now bestow their own special gift to the country by renaming our award winning waste water treatment plant in honor of outgoing President George W Bush. We think this is a fitting memorial for a truly outstanding Commander-in-Chief. On matters ranging from diplomacy to fiscal and environmental stewardship, no other President has had such a dramatic impact on the country and the Constitution in such a short time. Most presidents wait years or decades to receive their memorial airport or highway. We think President Bush deserves immediate recognition for his eight years of public service."

Want more information check it out here.

8 is usually my favorite number

I'm usually a huge fan of 8, but not this election year. If you live in California you've probably heard of Prop. 8. A NO ON 8 vote means that all people can legally marry in California having their relationship validated and recognized by their community. So why can't all people have this? Well, they can with a simple NO vote on Prop. 8. Learn more about this proposition here.

Don't trust me, here's what the LA Times has to say...

“Proposition 8… would eliminate the fundamental right to same-sex marriage. The very act of denying gay and lesbian couples the right to marry – traditionally the highest legal and societal recognition of a loving commitment – by definition relegates them and their relationship to second class status.”
Los Angeles Times Editorial, August 8, 2008

Vote for_________

Damn, two vote posts in one day, are we having an election or something?

So Gap got in on the election frenzy and well, I rather like the idea.

First, it's a tee-shirt, never underestimate the power of a tee-shirt.

As a high school sophomore I was suspended for three days because my tee-shirt was too powerful for the powers that be.

Second, it's customizable! That's right you can fill in the blank - hello fabric markers!

So, hop on over to the Vote For_______ site and get yours!

I realize it's the Gap schilling these puppies, so one can only hope these tee-shirts are U.S. made.

One can hope.

Now I'm off to watch the Palin/Biden debate go up in flames.

Don't Vote...

A well crafted viral video. Take a look and remember the wise words of Sarah Silverman, you can literally register to vote while you're poopin'.

Real Live Republicans.

I saw them.

We talked.

We disagreed.

I think I scared them.

But they did say Bush was an idiot.

Hmmm.

Is there a special place in hell for people who...

Yeah, never mind Dante's Inferno and it's multiple levels (oh, I just thought of an idea for jewelry) but back to business. I'd like to think there are more current "rings" for the following people:

Those in the turn lane, who wait for the light to turn green and THEN signal they are turning.

Owners who neglect to pick up after their dogs.

Movie theater patrons who don't take their trash with them when they leave.

Customers that don't take the time to stack their grocery baskets into each other while waiting in the check out line.

I'm sure there are even more "rings" that I can't think of right now, thank you Charles Shaw.

Perhaps this will be an ongoing project.

Light 'em up

This weekend I'm basically trying to create interesting new classes. As Cristal Connors so wisely said, "There's always someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs after you."

In the Bay Area there's been a tidal wave of crafters coming into the market. Which means more competition for the ever shrinking discretionary dollar.

So, I'm spending the entire day working on project samples for 2009 new classes. I decided to ramp it up a bit as I won't have much free time over the next few months. I've been playing with fire all day, as well as riveting metal.

I feel so butch handling all these tools, but of course if my ipod was plugged into a speaker for all to hear, that image would be blown out the window, as I've been "spinning around" with Kylie while I create.

Back to birthin' out some ideas.

Merry Christmas!

Yeah, it's frickin' still September, but if you gauge your holidays on the visit to the local mall, Christmas is like in two weeks.

While picking up some crafting supplies at Beverly's, a store I would say is like a slightly disorganized half sister to Michael's.

She's cute when she needs to be and has great sale prices (hello 90% off holiday merchandise). But the store has a common approach to merchandising that would drive Martha crazy - the center aisle is devoted to what I like to call Country Clutter. But I digress.

Beverly (or rather the employees of Beverly's) were already stocking Christmas decorations. Of course as a crafty mofo I have no intention of buying my decorations or gifts. I'll be making my own thank you very much

I think Tim Burton was on to something with his film A Nightmare Before Christmas. We just need to stop the nonsense and combine the two holidays already.

And before I forget why is Perez Hilton making appearances on Martha's show before I do?

Tabitha Took Me Over...

I don't know if it's because she cusses like a sailor or the fact that she dresses like my college art professor, but I love this chick.

If you don't know her, I insist you turn on Bravo next Thursday to tune in to find out what Tabitha Coffey is all about. She cuts hair, so I obviously have no use for her, but she's got a sharp tongue and an even sharper wit!

I personally believe the best episode of the season took place last night. She turned Images Salon of Oyster Bay, New York on its a$$ and one point I didn't think the employees were going to make it out alive.

They did, barely.

I won't sell this house today.

My last post was on August 18th? What the $*#&?

But as Annette Bening's Carolyn Burnham might have said, "You have no one else to blame, but yourself".

And extra points to those of you that know this character is from my favorite movie, American Beauty. I can't believe it came out almost 10 years ago. I still watch it whenever I get a chance and quote it as often as possible. Want some of your own? Here's a few unedited nuggets for you.

A truly original movie, not like Annette's current film The Women. I haven't seen it, but I've seen the original and loved it, so hopefully this "reimagining" of the 1939 bitch fest is just as witty, funny and forward thinking.

Screwed.

I hate being "screwed".

But really, does anyone enjoy that feeling?

Of course, what I really hate is when I don't listen to my intuition and do what I think I should do right away.

To avoid being screwed in life, I've tried to follow a simple set of rules.

Some of them include:

• Start crafting your Christmas gifts in July.
• Stay away from credit cards - they're the devil.
• Avoid mayonnaise-based dips on sunny days.

I've added:

• Don't put off 'til tomorrow what you can accomplish today!

Done.

Now I'm going to go wallow in my bad judgment.

Happy Monday.

Man up!

Oh no she didint.

One of my favorite contestants on the current season of Project Runway, (Terri Stevens) just gave me my new quote for living.

"I ain't got no babies and nobody suckin' on my t!tt!@s. So please man up!"

Not only does she ask the all important question about the Suede, but she also operates Funkin' Beautiful - her clothing label which I'm sure shakes things up in Columbus, OH.

Terri, to answer your question about Suede, I think he's packin' the latter. I mean he talks in third person?

If you haven't tuned into the current season. You'll notice some of the contestants are trying to outdo last year's winner in the race for the catchphrase.

One dude, who is so annoying I don't even want to name him, thus giving him a place in Google search keeps trying to make "pick a word and add -licious to it" happen.

I suggest he repeatedly watch and take note what Rachel McAdams' character Regina George in Mean Girls has to say in the post-Christmas concert scene

"Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen, it's not going to happen."

I figure after a couple of viewings, he'll go crawl in a corner, get the point and go fetal.

OH and next week's show promises to be the gayest ever!

How you make Project Runway MORE gay is beyond me, but I think my head might explode.

Been there, done that, got the tee shirt.

No really, I got the tee shirt.

Right here. Okay, so maybe I've only had two people read this blog - that would be me and one other person, but I got to start the branding right away.

Hence the "crafty mofo" tee shirt.

Get one.
Get it on.
Get me traffic.

Here's the link...should you have $16.99, plus shipping burning a hole in your pocket.

Make this fitted tee just slightly more terrific with a custom paint job you perform at home. Add an iron-on here, a little fabric paint there and you've got yourself a crafty mofo masterpiece.

It's made in the USA (cue God Bless America) so it's like the only product were manufacturing ourselves these days.

Sorry, still wearing my cranky pants.

For the one other person reading this, did you send an email to your friends?

It was a difficult labor...

But after a few screams and intense pushes I popped this bad boy out.

Okay, who am I kidding creating a blog is as easy as pie.

So what took me so long?

Ohhhh I can name a few things, as well as a couple of names, but this ain't a gossipy dlisted.com type of site.

Well, perhaps it will be. We'll have to see.

I guess blogs are kind of like kids, you really don't know what they will grow into.

Of course no one is selling ad space on their kids.

Yet.

So, what's up with the title?

Well, a friend sent me a simple, yet poetic postcard and the front read, you guessed it.

YOU CRAFTY MOTHER F*#%ER.

It's on my fridge right now. Like an altar I pray to every morning.

I think my cleaning lady, Tilde thinks it's odd, but I'm not sure she understands it. Oh well, makes me feel edgy.

Personally, I've always seen myself as a cross between Martha Stewart and Christopher Lowell, I've got her commitment to crafts and his hairline.

But getting those two to procreate would require a serious batch of her blood orange margaritas.

But again, who am I kidding, I'm not a fancy East Coaster or flamboyant Hollywood queen.

I know where I come from...a flyover state that kicked Obamania into high gear and now, well I'm in your computer.

Keep on creating!